It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
