I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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