She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
