Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
