My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
