Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
