What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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