i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
