so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Randomize
