Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
