So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
