Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
