3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
