We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
