Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
