I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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