dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize