were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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