Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize