Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
