I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
