chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
