I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
