She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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