So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
