It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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