Umm I'm too high to move.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
