genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize