the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
