they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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