I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
