I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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