i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
