you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
