You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize