I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
