When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
