i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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