my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
