Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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