I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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