It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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