Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
