She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize