the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
