Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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