Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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