Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
