i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
