I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
