You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
