We're facebook friends in real life
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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