i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
