Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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