You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
