you guys were way drunker than both of me
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
