Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You're like the curious george of whores
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
