They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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