Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
