I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i wish my penis had a tongue
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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