his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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