There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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