well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
