drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
