Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
