So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
