So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize